"Stuck" in Colorado, Waiting for a Visa—and Missing My Family
PLUS Q&A with my husband, Rich
I sent out my last Substack post one month ago—the same day I landed in Colorado. Since then, I've been "stuck" here, waiting on my UK spousal visa. My husband and two kids, ages 7 and 11, stayed in England, where they’re in school, and planned to join me in Colorado for Spring Break.
Initially, I embraced the freedom. I wrote, skied, dated, and went out most nights. But midway through, the uncertainty crept in. What if I don’t get my visa? I began to feel paralyzed, missing my husband and kids deeply. I started counting down the days until they’d arrive.
Writing became a struggle (more on that below), and I wasn’t keeping up with my bi-monthly newsletter. I turned to my husband, Rich. A lot of people, myself included, miss his perspective. He no longer appears in my videos (comments can be brutal). When I asked if he’d answer some questions for this space, he said, “Yes.”
Scroll down to read my husband’s response to a question—and find out how to submit your questions for future posts.
So here it is. A long-overdue Hello from… Colorado, where I’ve now been “stuck” for nearly five weeks.
How did I get here?
We moved to southern England in August and immediately applied for my spousal visa. My husband is British, and we’ve been married for 12 years—but after five months and multiple emails exchanged with the home office, I still didn’t have a visa.
After a family trip to Austria in February, we returned to the UK. The passport officer looked up my file and gave me one of those inquisitive looks you never want to see. She asked a few questions, and I explained my situation. She nodded in that noncommittal way that gives nothing away. When she handed me back my passport, she told me to hire an immigration lawyer.
And thank goodness I could. Accessing legal help is a privilege I don’t take for granted. My lawyer pulled my file and told me what I couldn’t confirm: that I would almost certainly be denied my initial visa. I needed a new plan.
“Sometimes these things happen,” the lawyer said. “It’s not that it’s harder now. Immigration is a little up in the air, especially since November 2024. You got stuck in the middle of a process change.”
My lawyer’s recommendation? Leave the country and reapply from the U.S.
Luckily, I already had a trip planned to Colorado in mid-March. I’ve worked as a part-time ski instructor for the past four years, and my 10-day trips have always felt like “me time.” Now, I’d also be reapplying for my visa—and getting 10 extra days to myself. It sounded amazing. Rich is more than capable of handling our household, dinners, school drop-offs, and dog walks while I’m gone.
When the Wait Stopped Feeling Like a Vacation
I love teaching skiing. I have to pinch myself sometimes that after a 15-year marketing career, I get paid to ski. I’ve built a solid community at ski school and have taught some of the same families for years, watching their kids go from snowplowing to skiing black diamonds.
My schedule is mine: 5 AM wake-up to write, 8 AM stretch and coffee with ski instructors, work from 9 to 3, last laps with friends till 4, film content, then dinner with my parents or friends and in bed by 10, exhausted. I even went on a few wonderful dates with a close friend who’s becoming more than a friend.
But on day 11, something shifted. The freedom started to feel like limbo.
At first, I reminded myself I was one of the lucky ones. I had support, a place to stay, work I loved, and the means to be here at all. But the anxiety grew louder. What if the visa didn’t come through? What if everything we’d planned—our move, the kids’ schools, our whole future in the UK—fell apart? What if I had to tell my son he wouldn’t be starting at the school he was so excited about in September?
I started spiraling. I stopped writing. I stopped working out. I went out less. I wasn’t sleeping well. I kept repeating how lucky I was. It didn’t help much.
On day 20, Rich and the kids landed. I picked them up at the airport with their favorite American treats, an armful of flowers, and immediately started crying the second I had them pressed against me in hugs.
My favorite days in the world are skiing with my entire family—my husband, children, and parents. My sister visited for a week, too. On those ski days, the visa didn’t matter. But I still wasn’t sleeping.
Late at night, I confessed how anxious I’d become. Rich reminded me, in his steady, soothing way, that we have flexible jobs. We have options. After a week, he had to return to the UK, but the kids stayed with me to enjoy the last week of ski season.
And then this morning—day 34—I got it. The visa. My spousal visa finally arrived.
I didn’t realize how heavily it weighed on me until it was gone. As soon as I got the visa, I felt lighter. After weeks of feeling stuck, I finally woke up at 5 AM and opened my laptop to write.
Our flight is booked, and we have the next three days together skiing in the mushy, slushy snow, soaking up every second with my two favorite kids to teach. Now that the weight has lifted, it finally feels like a vacation again.
And I can’t wait to go home. Well… to our new home.
Q | Will he ever want monogamy with just you?
Rich | “Yes, possibly – these things are hard to predict. I would consider it normal and reasonable to ask for monogamy if that became important to me for some reason.”
Q | Has he ever met someone with more chemistry? Would he want to plan a life with that person?
Rich | “There are sometimes moments where there’s chemistry in some aspect that is weaker or harder to replicate in our marriage. But overall, no, I’d say Danielle and I have better chemistry than any other relationship I’ve had, by a long way.
The bar for me wanting to plan a whole other life with another person is incredibly high – I’d be leaving my partner of 15 years, my kids, it would cause a mountain of heartache for so many people I love. And what would I gain? Daily companionship with someone else instead? I’m happy and don’t need to change these things.
That said, I want my wife and kids to have the best, most fulfilling life they can. If Danielle felt strongly that she would be happier with someone else I’d hope to support that and not hold her back. So even if my answer was yes, one of us is likely to find someone they’d be happier with, that wouldn’t justify monogamy to me. I suspect monogamy is a poor defender against that sort of thing anyway.”
If you want to ask my husband a question, please write an email addressed to Rich! and send your question to opencommitment@gmail.com. Please keep your questions respectful and 150–200 words max. If this is helpful for the community, I will continue to share questions with him and his responses on my Substack here.
Please take responsibility for being uneducated about UK spousal visas. You being denied the first time has nothing to do with changes in place as of November, 2024.
My husband is British, born and raised, lived his entire live in south yorkshire, and since day 1 we have known i'd need to apply from the US. Furthermore please admit you only had to hire an attorney because you messed up. You cant apply from the UK unless you already have a valid visit such as graduate, student or work visa. Furthermore you cannot travel outside the UK while application is active. You should consider yourself lucky that you did not get barred from the UK. I am sorry but it is extremely frustrating when you talk about your visa and you omit/ share facts that make you look good. As an american married to a british person I kn9w the process well and it is beyond frustrating that you only share a piece of the puzzle and dont take responsibility for the mistakes you made. And instead blame it on the process.